Today in my English class, we went over the Rules of Courtly Love. For those who don't know what it is, they're a bunch of rules governing love, by Eleanor of Aquitane as a sort of guideline for men. Now when I first heard of these I wanted to bash this Eleanor in the face with a shovel for being stupid enough to think that you could put rules on love. However, after reading them, I found I agree with some of them. I still believe love cannot be governed though. So, what I want to know is, what rules do you agree with, disagree with, and whether or not you can govern love?

Here are the rules:

1) Marriage is no real excuse for not loving.
2) He who is not jealous cannot love.
3) No one can be bound by a double love.
4) It is well known that love is always increasing or decreasing.
5) That which a lover takes against the will of his beloved has no relish.
6) Boys do not love until they reach the age of maturity.
7) When one lover dies, a widowhood of two years is required of the survivor.
8) No one should be deprived of love without the very best of reasons.
9) No one can love unless he is impelled by the persuasion of love.
10) Love is always a stranger in the home of avarice.
11) It is not proper to love any woman whom one would be ashamed to seek to marry.
12) A true lover does not desire the embrace in love anyone except his beloved.
13) When made public, love rarely endures.
14) The easy attainment of love makes it of little value; difficulty in attainment makes it prized.
15) Every lover regularly turns pale in the presence of his beloved.
16) When a lover suddenly catches sight of his beloved, his heart palpitates.
17) A new love puts to flight an old one.
18) Good character alone makes any man worthy of love.
19) If love diminishes, it quickly fails and rarely survives.
20) A man in love is always apprehensive.
21) Real jealousy always increases feelings of love.
22) Jealousy, and therefore love, are increased when one suspects his beloved.
23) He whom the thought of love vexes eats and sleeps very little.
24) Every act of a lover ends in the thought of his beloved.
25) A true lover considers nothing good except what he thinks will please his beloved.
26) Love can deny nothing to love.
27) A lover can never have enough of the solaces of his beloved.
28) A slight presumption causes a lover to suspect his beloved.
29) A man who is vexed by too much passion usually does not love.
30) A true lover is constantly and without intermission possessed by the thought of his beloved.
31) Nothing forbids one woman being loved by two men or one man by two women.

I'd post my responses, but I'm running late to my next class, so I'll post them next chance I get.

Nice topic.

I always repeat that "love means different things for different people", and here also the culture and times affected standards of love. But I'll answer these questions from the perspective of whether or not they agree with my personal interpretation.

You know, ultimately love always finds excuses for rules, but on the other hand there are some eternal wisdoms that would only do good for the inexperienced first-timers (and some others too).

Lambda wrote:

1) Marriage is no real excuse for not loving.

True, although this one can assume a variety of meanings. When you're married, or you're prospective partner is married, or even you're both married, that's no excuse not to love... your spouse. Otherwise in our modern world, divorce became available, although I do not recommend that option it's better than an affair. But generally, love doesn't choose, it can bind anyone regardless of status.

Lambda wrote:

2) He who is not jealous cannot love.

True, but taking it too far the other way is also bad. Jealousy is actually a very necessary emotion - when we are jealous it is basically a sign that something or someone is dear to us. If we aren't jealous over our loved ones, then we don't love them all that much. However, if we are TOO jealous than that very jealousy shall destroy everything and everyone we love! Beware, lovers of all ages.

Lambda wrote:

3) No one can be bound by a double love.

False. Generally it's not good to split your affection, it shows misdirection or confusion, but I allow for cases when love binds three or more people together... imagine twins that never part. Love works in strange ways sometimes, but that doesn't mean threesomes have to always get pulled apart by inside politics and vicious jealousy.

Lambda wrote:

4) It is well known that love is always increasing or decreasing.

True, at least in my case. Everything I go through has some impact on my love, and in general challenges for love just make it stronger when they're overcome. Especially when it's a challenge the lovers can face together...

Lambda wrote:

5) That which a lover takes against the will of his beloved has no relish.

True, Period.

Lambda wrote:

6) Boys do not love until they reach the age of maturity.

True, because they aren't mature enough to adjust their definitions beyond mere copulation. Boys are ready for sex much sooner than they are ready for deep dedication, faithfulness, compassion, tenderness and empathy that mature love entails.

Lambda wrote:

7) When one lover dies, a widowhood of two years is required of the survivor.

False, this is a cultural remnant and changes with the times. I leave it up to the person; myself I'd want to take some time off, though, one or more years, to gather my thoughts and settle my matters before I try to get into another relationship.

Lambda wrote:

No one should be deprived of love without the very best of reasons.

True but not strong enough. No one should be deprived of love, Period.

Lambda wrote:

9) No one can love unless he is impelled by the persuasion of love.

False. I don't know what the 'persuasion of love' stands for, the name itself makes me immediately suspicious. Acting according to passion often gets one in trouble, unwanted pregnancies for example. It's better to use your head and keep emotions under control, which doesn't mean to ignore them completely.

Lambda wrote:

10) Love is always a stranger in the home of avarice.

True, though people of various status can be bonded by love. Rich or poor, one can always make the choice to be generous or driven by avarice. And when one loves worldly riches too much, one cannot love another human enough. Love is a stranger only, walking through that house but never stopping under that roof.

Lambda wrote:

11) It is not proper to love any woman whom one would be ashamed to seek to marry.

False, because of the way it's worded, and here the wording is pretty crucial. Love doesn't choose, so it can't be said that one cannot love a woman because of her low social status; however, it IS true that one should NOT be ashamed to marry any woman, whatever her status, as long as one loves her.

Lambda wrote:

12) A true lover does not desire the embrace in love anyone except his beloved.

Tough one...... arggghhhh....
Nobody is master of their primitive sex instincts... but when it's something more, which is what 'embrace in love suggests', then True. I wouldn't be such a harsh judge of others as I ain't the saint myself.

Lambda wrote:

13) When made public, love rarely endures.

True, although it depends on the meaning. >.> When it was hidden from parents and the like and comes to light, it tends to be broken because there was something insincere about it. Then, if the paparazzi start assaulting a celebrity couple, love can have it hard too. But rarely ain't mean never, there's always a chance.

Lambda wrote:

14) The easy attainment of love makes it of little value; difficulty in attainment makes it prized.

True, love earned through hardship is treasured much more. Although... beware, even this instinct can be destructive. >.> "Editha" knows.

Lambda wrote:

15) Every lover regularly turns pale in the presence of his beloved.

False, love has a thousand masks.... >v>

Lambda wrote:

16) When a lover suddenly catches sight of his beloved, his heart palpitates.

False, this is a stereotype. :/

Lambda wrote:

17) A new love puts to flight an old one.

False, at least in my case. This depends on the person, but for me this works in reverse - every next love is marked by the shadow of all its predecessors. >.> That's why the first time I love is the hardest.

Lambda wrote:

18) Good character alone makes any man worthy of love.

False damnit. There's plenty of good-natured losers out there, they need something more to be worthy of love. Cash ain't the best complement either. What choose? .... >v> Look hard and you'll see it.

Lambda wrote:

19) If love diminishes, it quickly fails and rarely survives.

False, depends on the love. This can mean one of two things: love is going through a great hardship so it diminishes, but will burst even greater afterwards. However, if it diminishes for no reason, or due to suspicion, then it was bound to fail from the beginning, and it shall fulfill that destiny quickly indeed.

Lambda wrote:

20) A man in love is always apprehensive.

False, only in the early stage. If one constantly fears for love then one day that fear shall become true. It's the same case like with jealousy, this fear destroys everyone and everything dear to us.

Lambda wrote:

21) Real jealousy always increases feelings of love.

False. >.< Jealousy, real or not, can be destructive or constructive. Generally it's a very bad emotion so only a spoonful is good for increasing love, reminding our dearest how big our love indeed is.

Lambda wrote:

22) Jealousy, and therefore love, are increased when one suspects his beloved.

False, period. A danged stereotype. :/

Lambda wrote:

23) He whom the thought of love vexes eats and sleeps very little.

True, period. Love isn't meant to vex, everybody should enjoy love. ^____^

Lambda wrote:

24) Every act of a lover ends in the thought of his beloved.

........... False, I hope. It's not like I think of every single thing my lover does.... that'd be an obsession.

Lambda wrote:

25) A true lover considers nothing good except what he thinks will please his beloved.

False, period. You're still a human being, you keep your own taste and don't copy your lover's, same as you keep your own reason and common sense. Not everybody's so (un)lucky to be paired with someone most excellently smarter, stronger, and prettier than they are.

Lambda wrote:

26) Love can deny nothing to love.

False, the question is wrong at the core. It's not about denial and submission, it's about negotiations and finding a compromise.

Lambda wrote:

27) A lover can never have enough of the solaces of his beloved.

True, period. <3

Lambda wrote:

28) A slight presumption causes a lover to suspect his beloved.

False, depends on the person. I personally need some hard evidence.

Lambda wrote:

29) A man who is vexed by too much passion usually does not love.

True, period. If he is vexed, by passion or whatever else, then he clearly misses the point of love.

Lambda wrote:

30) A true lover is constantly and without intermission possessed by the thought of his beloved.

False, depends on the person, but I don't consider that preoccupation to be the most productive one can devote oneself to. There's plenty good to be done in the world that couldn't be done if all the geniuses were too busy with loving melancholy to sit down to serious business.

Lambda wrote:

31) Nothing forbids one woman being loved by two men or one man by two women.

False, plenty things forbid it, from culture and religion through the marriage oath to the feelings of the lovers at last. Sometimes love ties three or more, but unless all are fine with that, a tragedy is sure to ensue. This is always a very troublesome matter in our times... :/ So proceed with caution.

You know, laws are not really governing. Perhaps this means "Laws of Love" much like "Laws of Physic". So in other words, this is much like "It is love if...."

Anyway, hard to actually say what love is. For me, I'd say it's something we have in order to justify our Fornication Instinct.

Let's see now:

1) Marriage is no real excuse for not loving.

Agreed. You can fall in love, no matter if you are married or not. However our human soul should be able to control emotions enough to not harm our partner in marriage. After all, love is not an excuse to harm others, especially the ones we swore an oath not to ever cheat on, right?

As for the other part. Just because you are married it doesn't mean you can stop loving your wife/husband.

2) He who is not jealous cannot love.

Semi-agreed.

3) No one can be bound by a double love.

Bullshit. It is possible to love more than one person. However rare a view it would be, it IS possible to double-love. Such love however is a source of great pain as someone loving would have a problem who to choose as the lover, unless we enter into the realm of polygamy.

4) It is well known that love is always increasing or decreasing.

Agreed.

5) That which a lover takes against the will of his beloved has no relish.

The fudge does that mean? (Book: It means to force someone to love you.) Oh! Then it's not love at all then. Forced loved is a source of greater pain than loving without being loved.

6) Boys do not love until they reach the age of maturity.

My first impression was to rebel against this rule. Actually it IS true however. >_< But it's not only boys. Some people think girls can fall in true love just like that before boys. Actually, this is terrible bullshit. We all know what it means to love AFTER we become mature. And I don't mean the physical age of 18 or 21. It means when our brain and soul in unison can decide we want to love someone, while actually loving the person truly. It's just that our body triggers fornication instincts before our brain and soul unite together, thus making is "think" we are in love. Ah, Mother Nature is a whore. She screws us over and over again, right?

7) When one lover dies, a widowhood of two years is required of the survivor.

Hard to state this one. It's actually cultural I'd say. However if the love was true and strong, some people might never fall in love again because of the shock. I guess this is a rather personal thing for anyone to state for himself.

8) No one should be deprived of love without the very best of reasons.

Agreed. There should be a really good damn reason to prevent love. Like...I dunno, the person he/she loves is a monster that will devour the lover or something.

9) No one can love unless he is impelled by the persuasion of love.

..................Thank you again Bookman. Ahem, Semi-agree here. As I said, our Mind and Soul can control the body. As hard as it is, we CAN be something more than human by not allowing our emotions free will, however we shouldn't throw away love, as we lose humanity that way. Anyway, I'd say this: You have to feel you want to do something more than usual if you love. If you are scared of heights and you would sky-dive without a parachute to save a person....now THAT's love.

10) Love is always a stranger in the home of avarice.

.....Can't those be written in normal language? (Booklates this again)

Alright, 100% agreed.

11) It is not proper to love any woman whom one would be ashamed to seek to marry.

100% Agreed. If you really love someone, you wouldn't give a damn what somebody says about your marriage.

12) A true lover does not desire the embrace in love anyone except his beloved.

100% Agreed.

13) When made public, love rarely endures.

Semi-Agreed depending on context. If it means "Sharing Love" to many people I agree. You cannot love several men/women after all at once and maintain it forever.

If it means "If love between two people is known by the public" then it's 100% Disagree. Unless it wasn't true love but only the fornication instinct.

14) The easy attainment of love makes it of little value; difficulty in attainment makes it prized.

Never attained love yet in any way. I did love, never got loved back so far (Especially that I never asked any of the girls to a date). Cannot tell if this is true or not.

15) Every lover regularly turns pale in the presence of his beloved.

As #14.

16) When a lover suddenly catches sight of his beloved, his heart palpitates.

That's just the body preparing for fornication. We receive a bit more adrenaline to rally the body into showing how physically good we are and to prepare for the sudden "Super Hip-to-hip Combo".

17) A new love puts to flight an old one.

.....Agreed 58%. You still have the memory you "loved" someone, however you forget the feeling you had with that person, rendering the love to him/her somehow impossible. Unless the love never broke.

18) Good character alone makes any man worthy of love.

100% Agreed. Although the fornication instinct prefers men who are brutal and macho, a truly worthy of love man is the Nice Guy.

19) If love diminishes, it quickly fails and rarely survives.

Agreed.

20) A man in love is always apprehensive.

For Fucks sake! (Bookles it....) Hm....58% agreed.

21) Real jealousy always increases feelings of love.

Semi-Agree. Constructive jealousy makes us do more and appear more worthy of the loved person. Destructive jealousy kills the feeling.

22) Jealousy, and therefore love, are increased when one suspects his beloved.

Same as #21. Usually however suspicions ruin the feeling.

23) He whom the thought of love vexes eats and sleeps very little.

........*slams the original writer with a sledgehammer*

Agreed but only if the beloved person does not know that he/she who loves him/her exists at all.

24) Every act of a lover ends in the thought of his beloved.

No clue what this means. (got tired of Bookling this stuff....)

25) A true lover considers nothing good except what he thinks will please his beloved.

Agreed.

26) Love can deny nothing to love.

Agreed only if it's a both sided love and the love is TRUE LOVE.

27) A lover can never have enough of the solaces of his beloved.

No clue what this means. (got tired of Bookling this stuff....)

28) A slight presumption causes a lover to suspect his beloved.

Not always. There is something we call "trust" but apparently the original writer never heard of it.

29) A man who is vexed by too much passion usually does not love.

100% Agreed. Too much passion is not love but Fornication Instinct.

30) A true lover is constantly and without intermission possessed by the thought of his beloved.

100% Agreed. You have dreams about the person, you see her reflection in the bath tube, You look at the spoon when eating cereal and the lover jumps out of it to stab your heart with the feeling. You just can't erase the thoughts.

31) Nothing forbids one woman being loved by two men or one man by two women.

100% Agreed. It's not your fault that you are too darn sexy.